Does being a true friend mean you can't object if you feel you're being taken for granted? Or for that matter they can't object if you take them for granted?
Superfically, I suspect the supposition is that no you can't object because ..., etc. On the other hand, I suspect the nature of true friendship is that you should be able to object without WW3 breaking out as a result.
But I'm probably not the person to answer this. The older I get, the less I profess to understand the concept of friendship with any clarity. Somehow, the misery of the infant playground with its scrapping over who was whose best friend seemed a lot simpler.
I think the answer's somewhere between "you can say so and it'll work out in the end" and "to a point." There's got to be some end to it, but one side of reliability is sort of being able to take someone for granted...to a point.
Say something, because otherwise the friendship will go sour. No guarantees that if you do say something that everything will be ok, but if you don't, it almost definitely won't be.
The problem is that this appears to be one of those friendships where the rules are made up as we go along. When it works, it really works. Getting us in the same room at the same time is difficult sometimes, mind. It hasn't soured today.
Yes you can object, but I think the real issue is timing. Get the timing wrong and at least one of you is likely to get more uspet/angry than the issue really deserves. Unfortunately I seem to be pretty crap at timing. Good luck.
I've got into a situation where I'm thinking about true friendship as one where you do forgive, and understand, and that it's there for the long game even if right now something doesn't come off. And what with people being busy there are so many conflicting demands on all our time so there are scheduling difficulties. Right now I just feel that it's taken for granted that I will understand and that jam tomorrow is fine, because we're in it for the long haul.
But I equally worry that I'm being too needy and demanding, and that is not attractive.
I have a real difficulty with the hierarchy of needs, and I'm all too often at the bottom of my own list, but feel selfish if I put myself further up.
Incidentally I had already said something about being taken for granted to them before I posted last night. That evening they had been placed in a difficult position in terms of deciding between the two bales of hay. (The actual Plan A it's connected to is so insanely trivial as well. But it's the pattern of my not being the bale of hay quite often enough.) At one point it was passed across as being up to me, but that seemed to let them off the hook, and I could certainly see why they would want to do Plan B, even though our Plan A predates it. We'd already gone through a scenario where Plan A would happen but later in the evening, which was a bit annoying but workable, but Plan B got shifted on him and so only a tiny bit of Plan A could happen, and it didn't feel enough.
I suspect this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour on my part anyway. Always the bridesmaid.
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But I'm probably not the person to answer this. The older I get, the less I profess to understand the concept of friendship with any clarity. Somehow, the misery of the infant playground with its scrapping over who was whose best friend seemed a lot simpler.
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Being banal I'd react to what brisingamen says and suggest that a deep/sound friendship would survive despite the outbreak of WW3.
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But I equally worry that I'm being too needy and demanding, and that is not attractive.
I have a real difficulty with the hierarchy of needs, and I'm all too often at the bottom of my own list, but feel selfish if I put myself further up.
Incidentally I had already said something about being taken for granted to them before I posted last night. That evening they had been placed in a difficult position in terms of deciding between the two bales of hay. (The actual Plan A it's connected to is so insanely trivial as well. But it's the pattern of my not being the bale of hay quite often enough.) At one point it was passed across as being up to me, but that seemed to let them off the hook, and I could certainly see why they would want to do Plan B, even though our Plan A predates it. We'd already gone through a scenario where Plan A would happen but later in the evening, which was a bit annoying but workable, but Plan B got shifted on him and so only a tiny bit of Plan A could happen, and it didn't feel enough.
I suspect this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour on my part anyway. Always the bridesmaid.