Return to the Maze

[faustus]

It has been a while since I did the Maze at Crystal Palace Park. The summer is ending, and besides, N is about to move back here at the end of October. And yet, with a certain amount of negotiation, and a following wind, we decided that this last weekend would be the day of the next trip - to Hampton Court Palace. And yet as always it feels as if the trip to the mazes is as full of twists and dead ends as the maze itself.

I spent the previous weekend in York, and had a pretty boozy time of it at various points, and to be honest the sensible thing would have been to stay indoors and hit one of the three deadlines that were hurtling towards me. But no, this would be the last weekend of the summer season, and after this weekend I couldn't guarantee a jumping off point. It was now or ... whenever. DCAM were running a coach trip down to the Hayward Gallery so I could at least get down there for free, and the chances were I could travel back with N, probably even getting a lift. My colleagues and I did the British Art since 1946 exhibition, which left me a little unimpressed - which reminds me I need to do the Palaozzi exhibition here before it shuts - and then we went for lunch at a cafe behind Tate Modern.

I confess to a lack of energy this time, so I skipped the Tate itself, headed into Docklands for a wander and a belt, then, having failed at both headed back up to the hell of Oxford Street and John Lewis, and a coffee. N rang - he would be running late as he had to go for a drink, it being his last day of work at his current job. I figured I'd stay in town an hour longer, but phoned before I committed myself and yes he was running late, that one pint he was going to have had become a second... I couldn't face hanging around longer, so I decided to risk seeing his dad, and got on the next train.

I actually slept in to 10.40, and it was N who woke me. I suspect we just missed a train, and got some chips, which was probably as well since we didn't eat again until 9.00. Victoria was crowded, and we needed to get to Waterloo. I've long since abandoned any hope of local knowledge, so I guessed at a route - Circle to Westminster and Jubilee or Circle to Embankment to Northern or Victoria to Green Park and Jubilee. Not much in it, but I hate the Circle line, so Victoria it was, with an estimated period of not enough time to get a decent connection with the Hampton Court train. So pause for a coffee at Waterloo, and take the train south through Vauxhall - h'mm on the Victoria line south for future reference.

Hampton Court is the end of the line, and the palace is about two minute's walk away, just across the Thames. The maze has been there since the end of the seventeenth century, and was made for William of Orange, but apparently there used to be three mazes in the grounds, in the wilderness section of the formal grounds. At first N was having his doubts. It didn't seemed to cover a large area on the map, but perhaps the gardens were really big, and so was the maze. I think N was thinking we'd get lost on the way there - he'd not noticed the signs I'd been following. But he was clearly reassured when he saw the size of the hedges that marked the outside of the maze - they were taller than the people just outside it, so we were fine unless they were dwarfs. But, no, there was clearly no way to look over the top.

In we went, and I actually didn't notice that we were following the right wall. I also wondered at first whether there were any dead ends - apparently there are now more than there used to be, so the route can clearly be redesigned. Before long, it was difficult to work out where we were in the maze. The effect wasn't perfect, as there were visible landmarks, but the hazy day meant you couldn't navigate by the sun. And there were some points where it was difficult to quite establish which would count as the right wall. At Crystal Palace the bushes are so threadbare that you can see through to the centre, in a pinch you could even push through. Here there was sometimes the possibility on seeing the other side of the nearest hedge, but no further, and it hardly helped you.

There is one point where you see through to the centre, but this is clearly just to taunt you - the obvious path bends out of the way and doesn't get you any closer. Muggins here takes over navigation, and at first does no better. You seem to be able to walk around three sides of the centre, but it is not at all clear how to get to the fourth side and presumably the entrance. We're not at the figuring we'll be camping out stage, but it is taking longer than we had anticipated, and the route is not at straightforward. There are times when we turn a bend we know we've been round before, or we think that this is the way we came in...

And then, somehow it all becomes clear. You had lost all your bearings, and you could not see how to get where you needed to go because to get there you need to get somewhere else first... and yet, suddenly, the prerequisites fall into place and there it is: the centre. Time to sit and take in the achievement. Time to pay homage to Three Men in a Boat, whose fictional journey had taken in this landmark. Time for a crafty smoke - or are you meant not to smoke in a maze? Possibly not wise to burn down a landmark, but there are fag butts around. We'll leave it. Some others come and touch the centre post to prove their journey was really necessary. there are group photos and reunions, and oh my god has anyone seen May well I thought she was with you..

There's an easy way out - but that's too easy. Time to follow the left wall - only that will simply retrace our steps. I think. Better to keep on with following the right wall. This time there were no dead ends, no repetitions. We retrod our path, but as far as I can see we took the quickest route. And we took in the gift shops, admiring the breakfast sets and the leather mugs, but fainting at the prices.

Then, remarkably, a train waiting for us at the station - a minute later and we would have missed it; even a train on the Northern Line to take us up to Fopp and the Angel St Giles, and Sainsbury's.

Much better to have done this after Crystal Palace - the let down would have been more acute. That leaves Leeds Castle and Hever Castle, and I suspect that's the order to do them in. But that's for later, that's for next summer. In the mean time, I have to try getting lost in the real world.

Comments

[lamentables.livejournal.com]

I can tell you all you need to know about getting lost in the real world.

[drasecretcampus.livejournal.com]

Well you know how always hyperaware I am of every thing(aside from whether I turned the gas out). I even demonstrated the skill to my therapist a couple of weeks ago by telling her the time without a watch. I'm so clearly x,y,z,t that I crave ?,?,?,?. And I remember giving you directions to the chemist we were standing outside of in Alice Springs.

I got custody of the spatial awareness part of our brain.

[lamentables.livejournal.com]

You're never going to forget that Alice Springs moment, are you?

I guess I got custody of the turning things off/locking things up bit of the brain.

[drasecretcampus.livejournal.com]

Nope, and next time I tell it you'll be standing in the chemist.

[lamentables.livejournal.com]

What, that very chemist in Alice Springs? You're going to have to bite your tongue for a while then.

[drasecretcampus.livejournal.com]

I doubt it. No one's going to have been paying attention...