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(OK, I'm behind on my listings - I've seen maybe five films at the cinema so far this year, including Hot Fuzz, 300 [Riefenstahl directs Lord of the Rings] and Fracture, a dozen on video, three onna plane)
I'm not sure I've seen Spider-Man 2, but I saw the first one, and had this irresistible sense that Bruce Campbell would have been better as the Green Goblin than Willem Dafoe - and that he was wasted in a cameo. When I saw 3 and Sandman, I thought for a second it was Campbell. Sadly, no. He gets to play John Cleese a la gluttony scene in The Meaning of Life. It's at odds with the rest of the flick, but worth the price of admission.
The superhero series slid into schlock with Batman Returns, when one villain wasn't good enough, so they had to add two, and then they started adding sidekicks. Spider-Man 3 has by my count five villains and two heroes, although there is overlap between the two sides. It still makes for a movie half an hour too long, especially as the monster can never die thefirst second time.
Peter Parker is still hanging out with his girlfriend (who appears to be named after cannabis) when a lump of pure dark side of the force falls onto his moped. Before you can say wasn't it at least half a dozen episodes of Star Trek where that kind of thing happened?, Parker is attacked by his best friend Arry who still thinks Parker killed his dad in the first flick.
Meanwhile, someone who had something to do with the death of Parker'sfather adoptive father uncle (if you rewrite flick #1) escapes from his open prison and happens to fall into a sandpit which is subject to something experimental that looks suspiciously like the sonic rejuvenator in last week's Doctor Who.
Meanwhilenarrative convenience amnesia renders Parker's best friend his best friend again, and Parker decides to propose to Mary Jane. Mary Jane seems pissed at him for some reason, partly because he's not man enough to empathise with her lousy reviews for the first night of her Broadway musical, partly because he hasn't realised she's been sacked, but mostly because she's going out with him during what he ought to be assuming is her second night in the show. But it's all about what he wants. What he really really wants.
Meanwhile Topher Grace, a rival photographer, wants to expose Spider-Man as a criminal in order to get Parker's job, or rather, as Parker is freelance, the job that Parker wants. The photographer fakes a photo of Spider-Man robbing a bank, which Parker is able to expose, since, hey, presumably all his pictures are faked up in Photoshop. There, but for the grace of... god.
Ooooh, a shiver just ran through me. Maybe that's significant.
So Parker is on top of the world and has snogged his model lab mate and pissed off his one true love and the blood has rushed to his head because he's suddenly convinced by his Spidey PR, his positive image - and before you can say, "Can you spell h-u-b-r-i-s?" it all becomes shaped like one of those pieces of fruit that stay rock hard in the bowl for a month then turn to mush when your back is turned. Spidey is exposed to thekryptonite evil black stuff and gets all evil twin like Superman 3 on our ass. You can tell that Peter Parker is now evil, because he's turned emo.
Round about this point, his aunt delivers the homily that you have to forgive yourself. Perhaps it would have been better to say, you have to get over yourself.
Somewhere Scott Bukatman asks why Batman wears the mask if Bruce Wayne is the secret identity.
They're doubles, aren't they?
And in case you don't get it, we get moody shots of Scary Spidey staring into mirrored surfaces. He's seeking to avenge the death of his uncle, just as Arry is avenging his father. Arry gets to look in mirrors too. Hey, do you get it yet? Call him Posh Spidey.
Meanwhile Sporty Spidey sheds his alien skin which just happens to fall onto and absorb the jealous photographer. Stringer Spidey. Ooh look. Another double. A negative image.
Bif. Baf. Pow.
Suitably chastened, Spidey finally confronts the man he has assumed killed his uncle, because, hey, he believes each new version of the story he's told. It's like that advert for the Guardian from a few years ago where the mugger is really pushing the granny out of the way of a falling beam (or was that Flitcraft in The Maltese Falcon?).
Zig. Azig. Ha.
"I forgive you," says Spidey.
No, your aunt told you to forgive yourself. Or let yourself off the hook. Or upload videos of you snogging your emo mates to You Tube. Whatever.
Oh, there's been all that looking in the mirror stuff. More double talk. Forgiving him is forgiving yourself. And you did try to save your rival, but some people don't want to be saved. That's forgivable after all. Maybe Arry will forgive you on his deathbed, too. What's it all about? They've been supervillains fighting against a superhero, and so they've got their execution orders. As long as this isn't your fault.
And at least you'll get closure, Baby Spidey.
I'm not sure I've seen Spider-Man 2, but I saw the first one, and had this irresistible sense that Bruce Campbell would have been better as the Green Goblin than Willem Dafoe - and that he was wasted in a cameo. When I saw 3 and Sandman, I thought for a second it was Campbell. Sadly, no. He gets to play John Cleese a la gluttony scene in The Meaning of Life. It's at odds with the rest of the flick, but worth the price of admission.
The superhero series slid into schlock with Batman Returns, when one villain wasn't good enough, so they had to add two, and then they started adding sidekicks. Spider-Man 3 has by my count five villains and two heroes, although there is overlap between the two sides. It still makes for a movie half an hour too long, especially as the monster can never die the
Peter Parker is still hanging out with his girlfriend (who appears to be named after cannabis) when a lump of pure dark side of the force falls onto his moped. Before you can say wasn't it at least half a dozen episodes of Star Trek where that kind of thing happened?, Parker is attacked by his best friend Arry who still thinks Parker killed his dad in the first flick.
Meanwhile, someone who had something to do with the death of Parker's
Meanwhile
Meanwhile Topher Grace, a rival photographer, wants to expose Spider-Man as a criminal in order to get Parker's job, or rather, as Parker is freelance, the job that Parker wants. The photographer fakes a photo of Spider-Man robbing a bank, which Parker is able to expose, since, hey, presumably all his pictures are faked up in Photoshop. There, but for the grace of... god.
Ooooh, a shiver just ran through me. Maybe that's significant.
So Parker is on top of the world and has snogged his model lab mate and pissed off his one true love and the blood has rushed to his head because he's suddenly convinced by his Spidey PR, his positive image - and before you can say, "Can you spell h-u-b-r-i-s?" it all becomes shaped like one of those pieces of fruit that stay rock hard in the bowl for a month then turn to mush when your back is turned. Spidey is exposed to the
Round about this point, his aunt delivers the homily that you have to forgive yourself. Perhaps it would have been better to say, you have to get over yourself.
Somewhere Scott Bukatman asks why Batman wears the mask if Bruce Wayne is the secret identity.
They're doubles, aren't they?
And in case you don't get it, we get moody shots of Scary Spidey staring into mirrored surfaces. He's seeking to avenge the death of his uncle, just as Arry is avenging his father. Arry gets to look in mirrors too. Hey, do you get it yet? Call him Posh Spidey.
Meanwhile Sporty Spidey sheds his alien skin which just happens to fall onto and absorb the jealous photographer. Stringer Spidey. Ooh look. Another double. A negative image.
Bif. Baf. Pow.
Suitably chastened, Spidey finally confronts the man he has assumed killed his uncle, because, hey, he believes each new version of the story he's told. It's like that advert for the Guardian from a few years ago where the mugger is really pushing the granny out of the way of a falling beam (or was that Flitcraft in The Maltese Falcon?).
Zig. Azig. Ha.
"I forgive you," says Spidey.
No, your aunt told you to forgive yourself. Or let yourself off the hook. Or upload videos of you snogging your emo mates to You Tube. Whatever.
Oh, there's been all that looking in the mirror stuff. More double talk. Forgiving him is forgiving yourself. And you did try to save your rival, but some people don't want to be saved. That's forgivable after all. Maybe Arry will forgive you on his deathbed, too. What's it all about? They've been supervillains fighting against a superhero, and so they've got their execution orders. As long as this isn't your fault.
And at least you'll get closure, Baby Spidey.
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