The Story of the Beetle Needle

Beetle Needle ,
originally uploaded by Andrew M Butler.

The town of Leuven was once plagued daily by a beetle, who reminded the peoplesfolk too much of Czech literature they had never quite got round to reading. The people came together, in the shadow of the university library, and debated long and hard about what they could do. "I know the opening line," said one of them, "but the rest of it is such a trial."

One among them was a Jam Maker, and she went away from the meeting, and she searched among her jars for the stickiest, juiciest, fruitiest, strawberriest fruit jam among her stock.

Next door to her was a Tailor, who said to the Jam Maker, "I can see what you are planning, but what if the Beetle eats the jam and gets bigger and stronger?"

The Jam Maker shrugged and did not know what to say. But the Tailor scratched her head and she rubbed her chin and she paced up and down and soon it was dark. Then she sent the Jam Maker into the taverns around the square, to round up some more people and they all worked until it was light.

In the morning, there was jam spread across the centre of the square, the stickiest, juiciest, fruitiest, strawberriest jam you ever did taste. The beetle smelt the jam and she flew down to the middle of the square and began to eat. As she ate, so she grew, and was soon five times the size of what she had been before.

The Librarian, not the brightest of souls, cried out, "Begone, beetle!" and he ran towards the giant insect.

Startled, the beetle flipped over on her back. At that very moment, the Tailor gave a signal, and the Jam Maker gave a signal, and the men from one of the taverns pulled on one rope and the women from the other taverns pulled on another rope, and a needle shot up from the underground car park exactly below the beetle. With a huge crack and an enormous swish, the insect was skewered through her back, and then she wriggled and jiggled until she died.

And the beetle is there to this day, as a warning against unread piles.