An Intercepted Email

Dear Student

For most of last year you didn't attend any lectures or seminars, only wrote half of the essays and did not score very well on those. Curiously enough you would have failed the year, had you not suspended the year to start again shortly before we were about to assume you had withdrawn.

I really want to believe in redemption, but frankly I know from experience that even though you assure me you have a) got over your relationship break up; b) dealt with the family illness; c) gone into therapy; d) come off the drugs/alcohol/butane/chocolate/internet poker/LiveJournal; e) learned time management skills, f) realised you are doing the right degree now or g) _________________ [delete or add as appropriate], it would be a waste of my time giving you all the details of your timetable, print out all the lectures and catch you up on the materials you have missed, because you're not going to turn up more than once in the next three weeks, and you're going to drop out again, this time for good. I know you'll tell me that you are different, but actually you aren't.

Yours faithfully


Dr Hudson