Films LXXX and LXXXI

[faustus]

Saturday night at the movies... not good. LXXX: Changement d'adresse (Change of Address, Emmanuel Mouret, 2006)

Skinny French romcom. Horn tutor Danny (Emmanuel Mouret) rents room from Anne (Frédérique Bel) but nothing's doing as she's in a relationship. He starts giving lessons to Julia (Fanny Valette) but passing stranger Julien (Dany Brillant) fancies her more. Despite this Danny moves in with Julia until he sees Julien again and moves into Julien's old flat and Anne moves out of her... Am I bothered?

I should have allowed myself to be swayed by the publicity: This year's Atonement. But no, I had to go and see it. Sigh. There may be spoilers under the cut. But not as spoiling as actors, director and writer.

LXXXI: The Edge of Love (John Maybury, 2008)

Close Up: Digitally enhanced lips of inexplicably successful actress.

 

WELSH GIRL: [Sings American song]

 

Caption: TUBE STATION, 1940.

 

Int. Night. Tube station. In case you need to be told how to recognise it.

 

Montage: Second World War stock footage in case you’ve forgotten it’s 1940.

 

TOMMY: Is this your hankie? Fancy a shag?

 

WELSH LASS: I can shag you, but won’t love you unless you come back from certain death.

 

Int. Night. Bar.

 

WELSH BOYO: Bloody ‘ell, didn’t I shag you?

 

WELSH LASS: Yes, you did, boyo.

 

IRISH GIRL: Oi, that boyo’s my man, hands off.

 

TOMMY: If I buy you all drinks will you shag me?

 

Int. Day.  BBC studio.

 

WELSH BOYO reads bit of Under Milk Wood.

 

Int Night. London house.

 

IRISH GIRL: Don’t shag her, boyo. You’d be pissing on our relationship.

 

WELSH BOYO: I won’t.

 

WELSH BOYO gets out of bed and pisses on landing.

 

Int. Day. Another London house.

 

IRISH GIRL: Yes, of course you can move in, just don’t shag my boyo.

 

WELSH LASS: That was years ago.

 

Int. Night. Theatre acting as a bar.

 

IRONIC EXTRA: We’re safe in here.

 

WELSH BOYO: Do you want a dance?

 

WELSH LASS: Of course, as long as we’re not shagging.

 

TOMMY: Hey, I want to shag her.

 

IRISH GIRL: You can shag her, she can’t shag him.

 

Explosion. A bomb has dropped.

 

IRONIC EXTRA: Argh.

 

Int. Night. London house. The second one. I think. WELSH BOYO and IRISH GIRL shag. WELSH LASS and Tommy shag.

 

Cut to: footage of bombed area around St Paul’s. Repeat throughout as it’s a money shot.

 

Cut to: aeroplane over Greece. TOMMY exits with parachute.

 

Cut to: Llankcuf, although don’t caption it. Welsh village. It is raining.

 

Int. Cottage of WELSH BOYO and IRISH GIRL, I think. WELSH LASS is pregnant.

 

IRISH GIRL: Did you shag my boyo?

 

WELSH LASS: No.

 

Int. Bathroom.

 

WELSH LASS: We can’t shag.

 

WELSH BOYO: No, but you can wash my back.

 

Int. Bathroom. Next day.

 

IRISH GIRL: Did you shag my boyo?

 

WELSH LASS: No. But the trailer makes it look like we do, so I’ll join you in that bath.

 

Ext. Greece. TOMMY carries out horrible operation.

 

Cut to: IRISH GIRL shagging random Welsh bloke.

 

ENTIRE VILLAGE: Tut.

 

Int. Bathroom. Next day

 

IRISH GIRL: I’m pregnant. Can you use Tommy’s wages to pay for my abortion?

 

WELSH LASS: Sure. I’m not shagging your boyo, mind.

 

Int. House. Some time later. TOMMY is home and sees WELSH LASS and spawn.

 

TOMMY: He can’t be mine as you shagged that boyo. (Fetches gun. Cut to melodrama)

 

Int Court House: Day.

 

PROSECUTOR: Mr Boyo, did you shag her.

 

WELSH BOYO: No, but I’m a shit and so is Tommy.

 

WELSH JURY OF PEERS: Guilty! (Are they shagging?)

 

Ext. Court House. The same day. It is raining. Every one exchanges meaningful looks. WELSH LASS and WELSH LASS shag.

 

End titles.

Totals: 81 (Cinema: 30; DVD: 47; TV: 4)